What If I Fail?
Fear of failure is one of the most powerful blocks to enjoying a fulfilling life. Way too many people never even attempt their sweetest dreams, let alone fail at them, because they are afraid things won’t work out. And then what would they do?
Alan desperately wanted to be a writer. He had a well paid, reputable job as a systems analyst. He hated, loathed and abhorred it, dragged himself to work every day, silently kicking and screaming. What stopped him pursuing his dream? Yes, it was fear of failure or more accurately, the consequences of failure. Let’s have a look at these:-
- What will other people think of me?
- What will I think of myself?
What will other people think?
When you set out after your goals, people may make all kinds of derogatory remarks like, ‘you’re a loser, a sucker, a fool, a time-waster, a hopeless dreamer, a luckless no-hoper, etc, etc.’ Whatever they say, you get to choose ‘whether the cap fits’. If it does, pull it round your ears - if not, throw it away!
Or they may say nothing at all, which is far more likely. The stark truth is most people don’t care what you are doing with your life. Do you think people are looking at you? Judging you? Here’s a thing – No-one is Watching! Except you – you’re the one watching you.
Now’s the time to stop looking for your reflection in the eyes of others. Stop looking for cues from a disinterested audience as to how you should behave and what you should do. It’s your life – lay claim to it, own it, be solely responsible for it as your unique creation for which you deserve all the credit.
What will I think of me?
Your every action towards your goal depends upon the answer to this question. And how much self-worth you are risking determines how afraid you feel when you set out to do something. A question:- What’s so bad about being scared, anyway? For something to be worth doing at all, it has to be at least a bit scary, doesn’t it?
Confident people enter ventures with a view to success. From trying many different things, winning some and losing some, they’ve learnt to press on regardless by balancing their emotional investment with a certain level of detachment. How did they get that confident? By not counting on any one action to achieve their goals. Crucially, they are prepared to try something and, if it fails, think of an alternative and move on to that. You can do this, too. It all depends on how you ‘frame’ an action in your own mind, and how much feeling you invest in the result – was it a good move or a mistake? “Okay, I’m disappointed but... there’s got to be a way!”
You will make mistakes, guaranteed. View a mistake as merely feedback that leads to your goal, still patiently waiting for you. What you do, right or wrong, is not who you are. Cut yourself some slack and allow yourself to commit the occasional blunder along the way to your destiny. Then you will shrug off that failure more easily, figuring out an alternative and trying again.
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself to maintain your commitment:
- What steps need I take to achieve my goal?
- What will I do instead if a step does not work out?
- Why will nothing stop me?
- What can I do towards my happiness today? And tomorrow?
Find and talk to people who do what you would like to be doing. Take a few small actions that head in the general direction of your goal, without caring too much about results. Have a punt, a few safe bets with your training wheels on. Go as far and as fast as you can handle, stretching a little further each time and you’re on the way.
During coaching, Alan realised that he’d been investing a huge amount of his self-belief in an outcome so scary and seemingly unattainable that he’d talked himself out of even beginning to try. Since then, he has joined his local writers group, begun a course and is pursuing a new-found interest in scriptwriting. Sure, he still does a job he does not enjoy for the moment, but it finances him while he hones his writing skills and learns about the industry. Plus he knows he’s moving towards something better which makes his daily life infinitely more bearable.
The lead actor of a new, smash-hit sitcom was asked what it felt like to be ‘an overnight success.’ She replied, “After twenty years of hard work, pitiful pay and forgettable bit-parts, it’s been one helluva night!”
“Success is the ability to go from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.” -- Sir Winston Churchill
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