 Who are you, really?
Do you know what matters to you, what really fires you up or makes your blood sing? Maybe you don’t, but then maybe you do know instinctively what gets you excited, happy and thrilled to be alive, right here, right now.
Paul came for coaching because he felt he just couldn’t make sense of his life by himself. Sure, he had a good job and income, friends, interesting things to do and so on, but he felt kind of disconnected, only half committed to what he was doing. He chose to do something that takes courage and that is to look himself square in the face and ask – ‘what do you stand for?’ Paul was coached through a process that helped him assess what really matters to him because, as the saying goes, if you don’t stand for something you’ll fall for anything.
To gain true insight into yourself is a daunting challenge, especially because everyone else seems to know you better than you do and will give you the benefit of their opinion, like it or not. Can you bear to have others tell you who you are? Do they know you better than you?
Truth is, the person who knows you best is you. If asked, given personal values to choose from, you can do that pretty well. Once asked, you can judge yourself surprisingly fairly. Then you can imagine who you aspire to be, if you’re not quite the person you want to be yet.
What makes you happy? Have you thought about this stuff seriously, or only vaguely? Do you put more energy into planning your next holiday than your life? Sure, the next holiday sounds like fun, life planning sounds arduous.
If you believe you have only this life followed by death and nothingness i.e., zilch, zero, nix and you’re nothing but worm food, then you certainly want to make every moment count, don’t you? On the other hand, if you believe that this life is one of many, do you really want to repeat the story so far, over and over again? Didn’t think so…
Chances are, you aren’t half as messed up as you think you are. It just takes courage to look hard at yourself, to face who you are and where you’re going to end up if you let things go on as they are.
So, what can you do to sort yourself out? Here’s a short-cut:-
- Make a list of positive words or phrases that describe you currently
- Make another list that describes the person you aspire to be
- Write a short paragraph incorporating all the words from the second list into a statement about the person you are becoming – keep it simple and in the present tense.
- Try your ‘new self’ on for size – does it fit? Tweak it as much as you want until it feels like the kind of person you can happily grow into.
This basic process will give you some idea of where you are right now, plus an idea of who it is you want to be. When you know who you are and what you stand for, you are much more able to wake up every morning and say - ‘bring it on!’
From this type of exercise, Paul learnt what really matters to him and what he needs to develop in himself to be happy. This self-knowledge will stand him in good stead for a lifetime. He trusts himself a whole lot more because he’s in a different head space, made several changes for the better in his daily life and knows he can rely on the person who knows him best – himself. All it took was someone to remind him of that.
“Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.”
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